Preface 
 About Us: A Common Journey
Louise's Path  Patricia's Path  The Paths Converge

Chapter 1
Our Primary Aim: Healing
Using this Book  Where and How do I Begin Healing?  Memories and Feelings  Finding Support: Speak Out  How can Counselling Help?  Afraid to Ask for Help?  Remember: Healing is not Straightforward  Cautionary Notes: Safety and Coping  Healing and Ongoing Contact with the Perpetrator  Staying and Healing  Is Healing Ever Complete?

Chapter 2
Another Aim: Identifying Sexual Assaults
Sexual Violence Behaviours: Anal Rape  Oral Rape Vaginal Rape  Sexually Abusive Touching  Gang Rape  Other Sexually Violent Acts  One-Off Sexual Assault  What is NOT Consent: Use of Physical Force  What is NOT Consent: Use of Other Types Of Coercion  Interpersonal Coercion  Social Coercion

Chapter 3
Another Aim: Confronting Society's Denial
The Male Dominated Rape Culture  Rape Myths The Political Scene The Criminal Justice System Church The Media Social Perceptions of Partner Rape are Hazardous to Women

Chapter 4
Stereotypes of Women Raped by their Partners
The Questions Asked About the Victims: Are Women Raped by Partners Stupid and Crazy? Are Women Raped by Partners Masochistic? Are Women Raped by Partners Weak? Are Women Raped by Partners Frigid? Dispelling the Myths

Chapter 5
Women at Risk
Feelings of 'Not Being Good Enough' or 'Different' Growing Up With Physical or Sexual Violence Witnessing Violence Keeping the Secret: The Three Rules 'Don't Talk' 'Don't Trust' 'Don't Feel' Breaking the Silence 

Chapter 6
Men Who Rape their Partners
Why a Chapter on the Perpetrators? Types of Partner Rapists: The Power Rapist The Anger Rapist The Sadistic Rapist The Obsessive Rapist  Myths that Perpetrators May Act Out: Men who Rape their Partners are Out of Control Rape is Part of Manhood Rape is the Entitlement of Normal Men Rape is a Type of Making Love Sexual Violence Targeted at Children Can a Partner Who Rapes Change?

Chapter 7
Relationships in Which Sexual Assault Happens
Getting Involved  The Good Times Other Abuses by Partners Who Rape Emotional Abuse Mental Abuse Social Abuse: Possessiveness and Isolation Financial Abuse Spiritual Abuse Physical Violence

Chapter 8
Not Dealing With the Sexual Violence
How Men Who Rape their Partners Avoid Responsibility: Denial Rationalization Minimizing Claiming Loss of Control Blaming  What Women Do With Partner Rape: Denial/Repression Minimisation Rationalisation Disassociation Managing the Sexual Assaults
Survival vs. Ending the Violence

Chapter 9
Recognizing the Effects of Partner Rape
Comfort through Commonality Validation for your Pain Identifying Where it Hurts Greater Appreciation of your Survival Emotional Effects: Powerlessness, Dirtiness, Shame Haunted Women: Ongoing Fears of Men, Rape and the Perpetrator  Physical Effects Impact on Future Relationships Alcohol and Other Drugs: Trying to Numb the Pain Teenage Rape Survivors Isolation: Increasing the Effects of Partner Rape

Chapter 10
Partner Rape and Trauma
The Stages Leading to Rape Trauma PTSD: The Symptoms of Trauma: Triggers Nightmares Flashbacks Numbing Avoidance Sense of a Foreshortened Future Fight or Flight and Freeze Reactions Irritability and Anger Outbursts Difficulty Concentrating Hyper-vigilance Sleep Disturbances Clinical Depression Disconnection Self-destructive Behaviors  Prognosis: Healing 

Chapter 11
Staying with a Partner who has Raped You
Dynamics and Effects of Domestic Violence  Cultural Contributors  Internalized Beliefs About Relationships  Religious Reasons  Sex and Ownership  Social Invalidation  Nowhere to Go/Financial Concerns  Non-Mainstream Cultural Factors  Fears of Sexual Assault Outside the Home  Personal Beliefs: Where the Sexual Violence Figures in the Scheme of your Relationship Genuine Love of your Partner  Children  Loneliness and Losses  Blackmail  Teenager's Views  Making A Choice: Safety First  Counselling  Safety Tips for Women who are Staying With a Violent Partner

Chapter 12
Leaving and Safety
The Importance of a Safety Plan Leaving In Crisis Exercise: Assessing Your Strengths and Vulnerabilities  The Snares Set by Men Who Don't Want to Let Go Rape/Sexual Assault Stalking The Coercion Factor Emotional Blackmail Using Children Wooing and More Promises Sex With Your Ex But What if He's Really Sorry This Time? Coming Through... 
 
Chapter 13
Secondary Wounding: Surviving and Healing From It
What is Secondary Wounding?  Forms of Secondary Wounding: Disbelief or Denial Discounting and Minimising Blaming the Victim Stigmatisation Denial of Assistance Betrayal of Confidence Siding with the Perpetrator Silence  Making It All About Them  Intrusive Questions About the Rape  Effects of Secondary Wounding  Closeness to the Wounder  Protecting Yourself from Secondary Wounding  Writing Confronting the Wounder  Self-Talk  What You Deserve

Chapter 14
To Pursue Justice?
Contact with the Police  On to the Prosecutor  Going to Trial  Secondary Wounding on the Stand  Outcome 

Chapter 15
Healing: Naming the Wound
Why Name?  Looking at Obstacles to Naming  I Didn't Scream or Do Enough to Stop It  I Didn't Say No  I Was Aroused  Sometimes I Really Enjoyed Having Sex with Him  Helping You to Recognise and Name It  Comparing Partner Rape to Other Rapes or Sexual Relations  Identifying With Others and Receiving Validation  Becoming Aware of the Dynamics of Rape  Trusting Yourself  Watching the Inner Self-Talk  Recognising that it Mattered  Recognizing that YOU Matter  When Women Name the Rape  A Degree of Recognition  Emotional Readiness: Naming in Your Own Time 

Chapter 16
Healing: Your Feelings
Feeling Fear and Anxiety Dealing with Your Fear and Anxiety  Feeling Grief and Sadness  What Can Help You through Grief and Sadness  Feeling Anger and Rage  Some Strategies that may Help with Anger  Feeling Self-Blame and Shame  Dealing with Self Blame and Shame  Feeling Self-Doubt  Dealing with Self-Doubt  Wholeness and Feeling

Chapter 17
More Healing Steps: Making Choices
Making Safety Choices  Choosing to Set Limits With Other People  Choosing to Put Your Healing First  Choosing to End Isolation by Reconnecting  Disclosure  Making Friends  Meaningful Social Action  Choosing a Creative and Fun Healing Journey  Art and Writing  Dreamwork  The Anniversary of Violence  Choosing Self-Care  Giving Up Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms  Taking Care of Your Body  Listening to Music  Playing  Positive Self-Talk  Other Positive Steps  Choosing to Respect Yourself and Your Process

Chapter 18
Relationships after Partner Rape
Making Choices: Same-Sex or Heterosexual  Choosing Whether to Have a Relationship  Safety in Future Relationships  Testing the Waters: Take Stock of Red Flags  Red Alert: Thoughts and Feelings that Can Compromise Your Safety  Contributions to a Healthy Relationship  What to Look for and Expect from Your Partner  Changing What You Can -Yourself  Communicating Happily Ever After...?

Chapter 19
Sexuality after Partner Rape
Effects of Partner Rape on You as a Sexual Being  Automatic Reactions  Self-Injury  Other Behaviours that Deny or Harm Your Sexual Being  On to Healing: (Un)Favourable Relationship Conditions  Mastering Automatic Reactions  Creating New Meanings for Sex and Your Sexuality  Setting Sexual Limits  Reclaiming Your Sexuality  The Progress and Path of the Sexual Healing Journey

Chapter 20
For Supporters
For Parents or Caregivers of Teenagers  How Do Women Tell About Partner Rape?  Some Ways of Helping: Believing Her  Responding Without Blaming or Minimising  Listening with Affirmation  Hearing Her Feelings and Beliefs  Reflective Listening  Respecting NOT Rescuing  Support Throughout a Legal Process  For Her Partner  For the Perpetrator Partner  Caring for Yourself  Emotions and Thoughts You Could Experience  Gestures that Mean a Lot

Chapter 21
Breaking Down the Bedroom Door
Changing Values and Attitudes  The Positive Roles that Men Can Play  Empowering our Daughters, Nieces, Granddaughters, Friends...  Impacting on Our Sons, Nephews, Mates...  Keeping an Eye On the Media  From the Pulpits Improving the Response to Partner Rape  More Resources for Survivors  Renovating the Halls of 'Justice'  Better Response by Health Practitioners  Meeting the Unique Support Needs of Partner Rape Survivors  Survivors Healing in Activism

Appendix 1
About the Women in this Book